![]() That brings us to another mistake parents commonly make with timeouts: They don’t really give timeouts, Christophersen says. ![]() (Christophersen advises parents to keep explanations even shorter: “no hitting,” say, or “time out hitting.” Then, shut up.) “It’s not supposed to be evaluative it’s supposed to be factual.” Plus, when parents go into explanatory or pejorative diatribes, they are doing precisely the opposite of withholding attention. “We recommend stating the behavior clearly in terms of what the violation was: ‘Now you’re going to have to timeout because you engaged in this behavior,’ rather than saying, ‘You’re being bad’ or ‘That’s awful’,” Lutzker says. So what’s the proper way to initiate a timeout if your child has thrown her high chair across the room again? Calmly and simply. And in its guidance statement on effective discipline, the American Academy of Pediatrics notes that “ignoring, removing, or withholding parent attention to decrease the frequency or intensity of undesirable behaviors” is “especially important in promoting positive child behavior.” For instance, evidence-based parenting programs, including the internationally implemented Triple-P Positive Parenting Program, recommend timeouts, and such programs have found that the interventions successfully reduce misbehaviors as well as the risk that children will suffer from psychological issues like anxiety and depression. Indeed, plenty of research suggests that timeouts are safe and useful when parents employ them properly and in the right situations. But that’s not because they are inherently dangerous it’s because so many parents and teachers misunderstand how they should be done. And timeouts can be ineffective, psychologically damaging, and make behavioral problems worse. Some psychologists do believe that if you practice good “ positive discipline” techniques, by stating facts rather than demands, using distraction to steer kids away from danger, and working out solutions as a family, you shouldn’t need timeouts, or at least not very often. What discipline methods work with your children? Share your tips with us on our Facebook page.Have my attempts to raise a good little boy scarred him for life? Or are these anti-punishment policies way overprotective and perhaps even harmful? You’ll have a better chance of promoting appropriate behaviour in the long-term while also letting her know it’s okay to express her feelings. Take the time to have a conversation (even if you have to wait a few moments for them to calm down) and try to understand your little ones motives (they could just be hungry!). Not so naughty?Īlso, when it comes to toddlers, often they’re not actually being naughty and don’t deserve banishment – they’re simply learning about the world around them while struggling to handle their emotions. An acknowledgement of her feelings combined with an explanation, allows more vulnerable feelings and insights to emerge – which doens’t happen when children are sent to their room. “When the child feels heard by us, then they will begin to take a deep breath and get under control,” Laura explains. And no one wants that!Īccording to Laura Markham, the best option when it comes to discipline is for parents to talk things through with their child. Keep the bedroom a safe placeĪnd when it comes to little kids, as children’s sleep expert Tizzie Hall says, sending a child to the place where they sleep when they’re naughty could create a negative association to the room and end up leading to bedtime refusal or issues with sleep. ![]() It also makes it easier for your child to avoid having to apologise or do chores to make up for what she’s done. When you consider the fact that children’s bedrooms are often filled with toys, books, crayons and possibly even electronic games and TVs (once they get older) it makes you wonder if sending a child to her room even counts as punishment? In time, she’ll no doubt prefer to be left alone to have fun with her toys instead of being asked to ‘face the music’ and explain why she did something wrong.
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